The Day the Earth Had a Hernia
by Tearsofwolves
Summary: Things are just starting to get normal again for our friends in ThunderClan when Hollyleaf mysteriously disappears. When she returns, she uncovers a forest of lies and bloodshed. Meanwhile, Bumblekit figures out what he can do in the dark when he's alone.


***Author's Note* Okay, this is the sequel to The Bumblebee Under the Sun, so if you haven't read that yet, you'd better hop to it! In this next exciting adventure with Bumblekit and co., we discover that Hollyleaf is a psychotic killer who is addicted to opium, Ashfur is a perverted weirdo, Firestar has a dark secret that he'd rather not tell, and there is something sinister lurking in the depths of the tunnels. Oh, and Bumblekit's stupid, but you already knew that, didn't you? **

"Be prepared to meet your DOOM!" Bumblekit yowled, unsheathing his pathetic claws. He dropped to the ground in a makeshift hunting crouch and lunged at his prey, missing completely. The beetle he had been stalking for two hours scuttled off, extremely annoyed.

"Bumblekit, what the Hell are you doing?" Hollyleaf growled, coming out from behind a tree. "You didn't even aim in the right direction!"

"Hollyleaf? What are you doing here?" Bumblekit asked, his tiny brain barely able to process the fact that Hollyleaf was real and not an illusion.

"Oh...um...I was just...um...sleeping," Hollyleaf said suspiciously.

"Sleeping? But you don't even have your blankie wi-"

"Shut the Hell up, you ugly lump of fat!" Hollyleaf growled furiously.

"Umm...Hollyleaf? Are you-"

"NOOOO! I'm NOT crazy! I just THINK that SOMEONE is a TOTAL BITCH for not TELLING me, LIONBLAZE, and JAYFEATHER that SHE is OUR mother! Oh, and I have a man-whore for a dad, but everyone knows that now, don't they?"

"Hollyleaf...? What in the Wide World of Wizardry are you talking about?" Bumblekit asked, completely confused. Although, this wasn't a surprise, since Bumblekit is always confused.

"Oh, don't you worry about it, you little dumb ass. It'll all be over soon. He he he." With that, Hollyleaf slowly walked backwards until she had disappeared into the shadows.

Meanwhile, at the ThunderClan camp...

Jayfeather sat in his den, reminiscing about how ever except him was a complete idiot.

"Hey, Jayfeather," Lionblaze called from outside of Jayfeather's den. "Have you seen Hollyleaf around lately?"

"No, I haven't SEEN anyone around lately," Jayfeather growled.

"Oh, get over it you stupid pansy, you know what I meant."

"Well, Hollyleaf did say she had some business to take care of earlier today," Jayfeather said, for once not feeling sorry for himself.

"Did she say it like "...business..." or did she say it like "BUSINESS!"?

"No, no, she said it more like "business."

"Oh...that can't be good..."

Meanwhile, back at the forest...

"Come back here, Bumblekit, so I can practice my killing on you!"

"Heeheehee!" Bumblekit squealed, completely oblivious to the psychopathic killer chasing after him. He stumbled clumsily after another beetle. Suddenly, it started raining. Bumblekit stopped, his disgraceful kittypet mind unable to think and move at the same time. "Huh? Why did the sky start crying?" Bumblekit asked no one in particular. He shrugged it off as nothing and continued his hunt.

"Bumblekit, you stupid little shit, get back here! I need to practice my technique for killing Ashfur on you!" Bumblekit, being as brain dead as he was, completely ignored her and proceeded to run into a tunnel.

Suddenly, the entrance to the tunnel collapsed and Bumblekit was all alone. In the dark. With a beetle.

"Oh boy!" He purred in delight. "Just think of all the fun I can have by myself in the dark with no one around to supervise me!"

Meanwhile, in the woods just outside of ThunderClan camp...

"Well," Hollyleaf growled. "I didn't have a chance to practice on Bumblekit, so I'll just have to make do."

"Oh, Hollyleaf. That's such a sexual innuendo you said just now," Ashfur said creepily.

"STFU YOU SICK PERVERT I HATE YOU YOU KILLED MY LIFE AND ATE MY DREAMS!"

"Whoa...really? All I did was try to kill you to make your aunt sad. I didn't mean to hurt anyone!" Ashfur wailed, practically begging for his life.

"See you in Hell, bitch!" Hollyleaf lunged at Ashfur, decapitating him instantly. "Now, to use my limited medicine cat training to stitch the head back on and put him in the river. Then, later, I'll push Squirrelflight into a river and drug her so she doesn't remember I did it. Then they'll all blame HER for Ashfur's death! MWUHAHAHAHA! Then, I'll announce that _I _was the one who killed Ashfur! My plan is purrrfect!"

Two days later...

Hollyleaf stood on the Great Rock with a crazed (almost rabid) look on her face.

"Listen up, bitches cause I'm only gonna say it once!"

Every single cat in the Gathering stared back blankly.

"Hollyleaf, what the Hell are you doing? How did you even get up here?" Firestar hissed in her ear.

"STFU, Gary Stu!"

"*gasp!* How the Hell do you know my real name?" Firestar gasped, astonished.

"Hehehe! I know EVERYTHING, bitch!" Hollyleaf laughed maniacally. "I have been to the other side and back! I have stared into the abyss and survived!"

"Hollyleaf...you've gone completely bonkers!" Firestar growled.

"Tell them who is responsible for Ashfur's death!"

"...I am." Firestar said, his voice filled with shame. The cats in the Gathering all gasped, shocked at what Firestar had told them.

"See!" Hollyleaf yowled. "He admits it! Murderer!"

"NO! It was an accident!"

"If it weren't for you, Ashfur would still be alive! Do you deny it?"

"No..."

"Then you're...GUILTY!" Hollyleaf advanced towards Firestar, backing him up to the edge of the Great Rock. His hind paws slipped off the edge of the Great Rock and he dangled there, helpless. Hollyleaf dug her claws into her leader's paws. She bent down to whisper in his ear.

"Now here's MY little secret. I. Killed. Ashfur!" Firestar's eyes widened in shock and surprise.

"NOOO!" He yowled, lunging at Hollyleaf and pinning her down. "MURDERER!" An even louder gasp rose from the crowd of onlookers. "Tell them the truth!" Firestar dug his paw into Hollyleaf's throat, choking her.

"Alright," she gasped. "I SAID 'ALRIGHT'! I killed Ashfur"

"So they can hear," Firestar growled.

"I KILLED ASHFUR! Now get off me, bitch!" She heaved Firestar off of her with her hind legs.

"Why did you do it, Hollyleaf?" Firestar asked, shocked.

"Because he ate my dreams. And by that, I mean he stole my secret stash of opium."

"You killed him just for stealing your opium? What the Hell?"

"Shut up, bitch! Why do you think I went crazy? Without that stuff, I can't live!"

"Hollyleaf, I really expected more from you," Firestar shook his head in disappointment.

"...Firestar?"

"Yes?"

"Has anyone ever told you that you're a bitch?"

"I think you may have mentioned it once or twice."

"Now, I shall perform Hara-Kiri on myself with my own claws!"

"No, Hollyleaf, don't!" Suddenly, a bright light appeared, blinding the onlookers for a moment. When they regained their vision, they discovered that Hollyleaf had disappeared, leaving only a moldy daisy behind.

Meanwhile, in the mysterious tunnel...

"Haha! Take that, you stupid pirate! Nobody can kill Peter Pan!" Bumblekit mewed, swatting at an imaginary pirate. "It's so much fun to be alone in the dark by myself without anyone supervising me!"

Suddenly, Bumblekit heard a noise. He turned around to see a huge tom emerge from the shadows of the tunnel.

"Who the Hell are you?" The tom's voice was incredibly high pitched, as if he were jacked up on helium.

"I'm Bumblekit! What's your name?"

"My name is Appleappleclaw. How did you find the tunnel?"

"I chased a beetle here! Then, I was all alone in the dark by myself without anyone to supervise me, so I started playing Peter Pan!"

"Come with me, and I will introduce you to the others." Bumblekit followed the tom into the tunnel.


End file.
